Second installment

The word money has a way of working it's way into every aspect of life and my little crusade was not exempt, how much did I need to get to Croatia, how much did I need to survive on the way, it all had to be taken into account and most where and how I was going to get the money from that I needed. By inquiring at travel agents I found out that I could fly but only as far as Austria, Italy or Hungary but the price was much too expensive for me. Taking the train to any of these countries was also far too expensive, the cheapest way was by bus but the only problem was that it took so long to reach your destination. The bus that I wanted to take went from London and it's destination was Athens in Greece, it normally went through Yugoslavia but because of the war it was not going through Budapest then down into Belgrade before going onto Greece. This was the cheapest way to go and after further inquiries I found out the times and price of the bus, now all I had to do was get the money together. All the time that I was thinking and planning this trip into the unknown there were more and more reports from Vukovar, every day the situation was progressively getting worse and I knew that I had to get there as soon as possible to help in whatever way I could, the people were dying and I was doing nothing, I knew that I was only one man but any help that they could get in Vukovar would be valuable to help stop the communest aggressors taking that small step into Croatia. 

The only way that I had to get the money was to sell everything of value that I had but the only items that I had were an old Jaguar that wasn't worth much but to me a great deal, my collection of proof coins and a few pounds that I had saved for a rainy day. The car was the first to go and the only way that I could sell it quickly was to take whatever the car dealer offered me. In the end what I got was a few pounds more than I needed for the bus fare so I took it gratefully and went straight to the travel agency where I gave them the money and booked my ticket, the first step into the unknown had been taken no turning back now. There were only two weeks before my planned departure date and I had only this short time to get everything ready. While I was preparing for my trip a series of questions kept going through my mind, should I tell my parents whom I loved, my wife who I also loved, anyone or should I just go? After thinking about it I decided to just go, it would better, I knew that nothing must be allowed to stop me now, I had to go I had made the decision and that was that. Over the next two weeks I slowly washed my army clothes and packed them away into my SAS/PARA bergan without my wife realising what I was actually doing, I knew that what I was doing was deceitful but I thought that this was the best and simplest way to reach my ultimate goal Croatia. A few days before I was due to leave, my wife and I had an argument for no apparent reason, so she went to bed and I slept downstairs on the couch, this was no ordinary disagreement and while I was trying to sleep I was in two minds about going upstairs and apologizing or just staying where I was. If I stayed where I was on the couch it would keep the argument going and therefore it would be easier to leave without having to go through the torture of telling her what I had planned and where I was heading for, although I really wanted to go to my wife and say sorry I knew that I could not let myself do it. For three more nights I slept downstairs not being able to sleep just catnap, over those last few days I constantly wrestled with my thoughts, wanting to sleep with my wife as I was supposed to or not going at all but I knew that the decision had been made. During the day we hardly spoke more than two words to each other, only to agree or disagree, it was unkind of me to continue the argument during the last few days with her because I knew that it was tearing us apart. My wife must have thought that I was a total bastard but in reality I loved her deeply and it was hurting me more than she could imagine. 

Over those last few days together my wife spent the majority of the time out of the house at her friend's or just out, she chose this rather than stay and argue with me, I knew that it was hurting her but what was I supposed to do because while she was out I had the opportunity to continue to pack and plan my journey. Everything was just about ready, my bergan was packed apart from a few things, my route also planned, my tickets and passport hidden away ready to take when I left, I knew that if my wife found them then she would know that I was planning to go abroad again and more than lightly not come back. Everything military that I had which I thought could be of use was packed, I took hardly any civilian clothes as this was not a sight seeing trip, I was hopefully going to fight a war.