Ninth installment

Over the next few days I waited patiently for Paula's return, that and the fact that I was using the language books that she had given me were the only things that kept me going. When you were out of favour with Ernie you missed out on a lot of things, you didn't go to Osijek, you were not kept informed about all the news and he didn't take you out. The food was so bad that he went out to eat at least three times a week and he always seemed to be able to afford it. One day as they were sorting out the wages I looked at the computer printout and the names of some people that were no longer with us were still on the list but they made up a pay packet for them regardless. After everyone had collected their wages there were still some remaining and Ernie put them in a envelope which he put in one of the cupboards, why he didn't give them to one of the secateries to take back to hq I didn't know. When we had our first pay in Brijest he had done exactly the same thing but that time he had signed his name alongside the soldiers name and then put the money in separate envelopes. Maybe one day he would be found guilty of something and those signatures would prove his guilt but for now he was free to do whatever he wanted. Th next day he was going to have a bar-b-q out the back of the school with all the section commanders invited and also those that Ernie liked, there were about twelve of us but there was enough food and drinks for twice that many. We all ate and drank our fill and anything that was left went into Ernies personal fridge, I couldn't help but think about whether or not he had any money left, I knew that he shouldn't but somehow I suspected that he did. Why is it that there are always people that profit from war, profit from the misery of others and live life King's while others starve and live a life of poverty. There is something about a war that gives those in power to make themselves financially secure without having to answer to anyone, that's war! There was no way that I could profit from the war as I was in the same capacity as any other Croatian soldier and getting paid the same wages, I was beginning to wonder what Ernies real motives for being here were and whether as he had said so often to the press, he was fighting for right or was there some other motive. After the last few months I was convinced that he had some other reason and only I would speak out against him because he did not and could not intimidate me, I knew him to well.

The day after I telephoned Paula to hear the great news from one of her friends that she had already left Zagreb in another friend's car and she was probably already in Osijek,if she was then she would be at her flat and as I had the number I rang it, the receiver was lifted and Paula answered, I was overjoyed and arranged to take her out for a meal to celebrate. While I was getting ready I was acting like a teenager getting ready for his first date, nothing else concerned me now, not Ernie, not the bombing of Osijek, nothing, I was now happy and nothing could change that. Right on time I picked her up and took her to the 'Pivnica' and I always used to go there as it was the safest place to eat. We sat down and I asked her what she would like to eat but she said that she wasn't hungry but that I should eat anyway, while I was eating she gave me a present that she had brought back from Austria where she had been visiting her daughter Diana, it was a case for my Zippo, it was very kind of her and I couldn't help but think what I had done to deserve such a wonderful person. Once I had finished my meal I took her home and stayed the night, it was good to be in her arms when I fell asleep, not only because she was a woman but because she liked me for what I was. The next morning I awoke early and left for the school to find everyone asleep until I woke them, nothing anyone could say or do could upset me, I was on cloud nine and likely to stay there for some time and I was not the only one that was happy as I soon found out. There was another budding romance and that was between Kevin and one of the girls, I wondered how long that would last as I knew she was a bit of a girl when it came to soldier's, even so I was happy for Kevin as he had lost his wife a year earlier from a terminal disease and he was always talking about her, perhaps now he may get over her death. While I was feeling happy for Kevin I was also thinking about Alan, his girlfriend in London and all he could do was to talk to her on the phone, after the accident he had not wanted to see her even if he could've afforded it which he couldn't, he somehow felt ashamed of the way that he looked and that he didn't feel like a whole man anymore, he was constantly feeling moody and suffering mentally but there was nothing I or anyone else could do. The only thing that kept him going was the hope that one day he would be able to get back into action even though he only had one good eye, maybe he still hoped that he would be able to die as he had lived, a soldier.