While I sat there watching I was amazed at some of the things that were said, the video made us out to be mercenaries and killers, a lot of what was said was not a fair reflection on why the foreigners were fighting in Croatia, it seemed that the BBC crew had sensatioalised the documentary and had only used the bad parts of people's conversations with each other, it was a pathetic video as I had guessed all those months ago. There was no way that this was a factual account of our unit, they only put on film what they wanted and that wasn't all good. When will the press learn that the truth is as good as the lies that they make up, after having watched it Paula and I went back upstairs where I sat down feeling ashamed that I had been associated such a terrible documentary, no wonder Belgrade Television had made such good use of it while I had been in the Red Barracks, with the right sub-tittles it was a perfect propaganda film, a great gift for the commies who were so good at turning things around to their advantage. One day I wished that someone would make a film about the real war and tell the truth but I knew that would never happen as it wasn't the truth that people wanted to see and hear.
The next day I returned to IDS to get my transfer papers which I had to take to RRF before I could join the unit, they were waiting for me when I arrived so I immediately took them to the commander, there was no trouble in getting it all made official and perhaps now I would be happier. Once I had finished back to Paula as I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could as I didn't know what was going to happen in Bosnia, a new phase for me was about to start and as to what would happen in the future, well it was anybodies guess and there was no way I was going to tempt fate. These fifteen days without Paula were going to be hard but the good thing was that it would be fifteen days that she could spend with Diana and without arguing with me. That night I hardly slept as I was constantly thinking about what I had left myself in for, what was the role played by this unit in Bosnia and were we going anywhere dangerous. All the time I had been in Osijek I had been in constant danger but this new phase was different, it was in another country fighting for different people and risking my life again, was I doing the right thing and would I survive to tell the tale? The next two weeks were going to be hell but the decision had been made and I had to stick to it. My parents were not going to be very happy about what I was going to embark on as they were now overjoyed to know that I was nowhere near the fighting, how do you tell someone who had lost their son that he was once again trying to get himself killed? How do you decide what is best for yourself and those around you especially if you're in a foreign environment, the only thing to do is try and shape what you consider your life to be, in the army and away from Paula was the best for me but was it the wisest?
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