May 20 1992

Recently I have decided that this is to be my last article for the newspaper even though there is so much more to be said, I came here last October leaving everything behind, my parents, my wife who is divorcing me because I insist on staying in Croatia and my country, I knew that the Croatians needed help so I decided to come and assist in anyway that I could, I joined up in Osijek and went straight to the front line in Laslovo. What I saw there was a hopeless situation, they had hardly any armored support, hardly any artillery but most of all they were not soldiers. They were people defending their village with no military training, the only thing that they had was a willingness to fight with their heart and a longing to be free. You the Croatians have now achieved that freedom but at what price? One third of the country is still occupied by the enemy, countless have died and countless have lost their homes. After Laslovo I knew that something had to be done to stop the people in our command dying in battle, I tried to train them and give them a little knowledge that may keep them alive. After training we put on a display of a platoon attack on a fortified position, all the local commander's were there and it was a great success. After the demo everyone congratulated me, it was the proudest moment of my life, I stood in the bar at the airfield and thanked everyone for their hard work, it was hard to keep back the tears as I was so happy, I knew that I had achieved something, I had helped in some way, I had given the Croatians something from me, knowledge, at that moment I was third in command of a company, doing what I had come for, to help.

For the past six months I have stayed in and around Osijek getting to know a lot of people, both military and civilian. You are a beautiful, happy and hard working people but why as a foreigner had I been treated so badly by the military and government? In April I had a holiday, the first since being in Croatia, when I came back I was put in prison for five days, it was unjustified but I accepted it, I I had had to go on holiday otherwise I would have had a nervous breakdown. From being third in command I was reduced in rank to a section commander in charge of guarding our base, the people under my command were people who would not fit into any other section but they and I did our job, I arranged the guard and made sure that they did their job, I was not allowed to be what I was, a soldier, just a guard commander who had to stay at base, I felt degraded but what could I do. After coming out of prison I went into hospital for an operation to remove a bullet and I decided that I could not go back to my old unit because I was not doing anything constructive. The only release I had was writing articles but because of these articles I was almost demobalised, I believed in writing what I thought but the people in command didn't agree, in the end I was not demobalised. The transfer I received was to be a guard looking after enemy prisoners, I had gone from someone in command to an ordinary soldier in five months, this was probably the only army in the world where you get demoted without reason, I have no uniform to speak of, no weapon and most of all I have lost the pride that I had at the aerodrome. The government will not recognize that there were foreigners helping, they will not give me citizenship, I have now been waiting for ten weeks but have heard nothing, but I will stay in Croatia because I love the country and the people, I will continue to be a guard for the time being and do my job, I will accept the fact that I have no rank and continue to be a soldier as long as I am allowed to stay in Croatia, I cannot kill the aggressors, I can not write about what I believe in, but I can live. No matter what happens to me I will not be forced to leave Croatia because I want to make a new life for myself in amongst the rubble of a once beautiful city, I think, I know that I will not leave Croatia, this is my home, I thank the newspaper for the privilege of writing in their paper, I thank all who have helped me, I thank the army for doing so much for me but most of all l thank you the people of Osijek for reading my articles and being what they were meant to be and what they are, Croatians. You the people that I know now are my people, this is my country, this is where I belong. THANK YOU.