Second installment

The only cloud on my horizon is that the shadow of death is still following me as it did while I was in the war zones, I was present when all those good men died in Laslovo, one in Brejest, another in Bosnia and still I am being hounded by this shadow but now it's come closer to home. About three weeks ago Paula and her family found out that her father had cancer and three days ago he died. Here was a man that never harmed anyone and was liked by all and yet God saw fit to take him from this world, why is it that all the good people die and the bad live on. The memory of him will come back to me every time I look at the river Drava and see his wonderful daughters face on the pillow next to me, his body won't be of this world but his memories will. The day after a nurse who was a friend of Paula's came to give her the bad news but she didn't come to me for comfort but when we went to the hospital and the sister gave Paula all his things including his wedding ring which he never took off, I put my arm around her hoping that she would share her grief with me but only a little of what she was feeling did she share. These past three days I have stayed away from the flat as I am not really a member of the family and I didn't want to get in the way but if she needs me over the coming days I will be here for her. The thought of all who died in Croatia makes me want to go home at least one more time just incase anything happens. While the shadow keeps following me I will never rest, my nights are spent restlessly as I can't get to sleep as the thoughts of the past year and the people that have died constantly give me nightmares, is there any peace for me to find or have I to live an endless nightmare?

This world of ours not on wealth or political power but on the love of people, for themselves, their fellow man and their countries. When all the puppets of power realise that it's not them that controls the destiny of this world but the people that live upon it. The politicians and war mongers realise that they can not go on enforcing their political views on the people because the people have their own ideas about how their lives should be shaped. When everybody on this planet of ours agrees to accept the will of it's inhabitants, then, and only then can we find peace and happiness. The so called "super powers" of this world must never hide behind the words "we are not the world's police force", if they have the power to stop wars and stop starvation then why don't they combine their resources and help instead of just talking. The Americans sent troops into Somalia but only because most of the warring factions were young men and not trained soldiers and the risk to their men wasn't great. The war in Croatia and now in BiH is a war that involves a trained army of aggressors who have constantly been proven as that but the world stands ideally by watching the slaughter of innocent civilians and ill trained soldiers. The powerful governments of this world do not want to risk the lives of their men as it is not their war and there are no vast mineral resources in these countries to be gained, but is that all that life means to these powerful governments? To me life is all important after being in Croatia and taken lives of the enemy myself, I have seen people that have been shot at point blank range, people that have been burnt beyond all recognition, people that have had their bodies ripped apart by pieces of flying metal that were not aimed at specific targets, children crying because they do not know where their parents are, people queuing for bread one minute and then dead the next, people living on the streets and in shelters because the enemy saw fit to destroy their homes and all because they had a different political view, a different skin colour or a different religion. How long is it going to take for us to realise that these things are not important and that each man, women and child is a human being and that we all have the right to live as free individuals. Not only are the people in power the ones that try to manipulate us but also the media, everybody says that the pen is mightier than the sword and in my case that has been proved right. When I came to Croatia I came because of my ideals but because of my involvement with Ernie and the press that were always interested in him, my name has become dirt. There is no way that I am a mercenary and as a certain journalist implied I am not a murderer, the media prints items of what they call news and you immediately accept it, which in my case was wrong but who will print my story and most of all who will print the truth? 

The future of Croatia is not in the hands of this government but in the hands of a future government headed by perhaps a wiser and younger team, a team of people that were brought up during this countries fight for freedom and who saw the destruction the war caused both in material and human lives. They were the ones that I and many like me fought for and even died for, we have maybe given them a chance to live a happy and fruitful life. The remnants of communism run deep in the hearts of the older generation and even if they think that they are free, they are not because of the way that they have been brought up to think. Communism has it's roots dug deep into people's minds and until those roots wither and die the people of Croatia and countries like it will never be completely free. As for BiH what chance does this country stand to be free where everywhere in the country is war. The only for it to survive is for the countries of the UN to stand by it's ruling that allowed BiH to be born and be brought into the fold of member states, if not then it will die shortly after being born. The body of the UN it's peaceful motives on the world and make sure that tragedies of Croatia and BiH never happen again, when they have succeeded in doing this we all can look forward to a life without war and famine. 

For me now the future is in my hands and if the only way I can change this world is to be a soldier then so be it. If I can't find the happiness that I so desperately search for then there is only one home for me,to finish this book about my time in war torn Croatia and BiH a couple of sentences you may think. If you believe that you're fighting for right and justice then every front line is your home, it doesn't matter what language you speak, what religion you are or what colour your skin is, you are all there on the front line for the same reason and that is to fight for the freedom that you believe in and for the people that you love, the words money and politics don't exist. If you are an idealist the only words that matter are survival, freedom and love.